We've all done it at some point, and to varying degrees in our lives, so I know you know what I'm talking about. Lying about something to someone, to protect a 3rd party, or yourself. It could be as simple as say, lying to a friends parents about there whereabouts, saying they are with you, when you know damn right they snuck outta the house to hang out with a boy. Or lying about having no knowledge of who broke Grandma's vase, when you know damn right it was your sister.
Or there are of course the more difficult, complicated situations, that seem to present themselves at the most inopportune times. Lets say you have 2 friends who dislike each other, or both have opinions about each other, and you are caught in the middle so to speak. Both are close and mean a lot to you, and you want to be able to continue relationships with them. When you hang out with one, do you lie to the other about said hang out, for fear they might get upset? If both parties are valuable to you and are an important fixture in your life, being able to tell either of them the truth, regardless of what they feel, shouldn't be that big of a deal. If they both care about you, they should respect your decisions, and be understanding. But we do it anyways.
Is it still lying if you just fail to mention something? Does that make it right? That is to say, you feel it too unimportant to make mention of it, does that classify it as not lying? Or what about this scenario. You become privy to damning information about a close friend and their personal life. You discover through personal sources, that their significant other has been seeing someone else on the side, and you have proof of it. Do you keep the secret to protect your friend, because you don't want to see them hurt? Do you tell them because you care, risking the possibility of it backfiring and you look like the bad guy? People take sides all the time, and I suppose it has something to do with where their true allegiance lies. Someone is choosing you over someone else, and lying to protect the other person involved. But why? And what does that get you? Is it embarrassment? Fear of jealousy? Wanting to keep those parts of your life separate? Avoiding drama? What makes things a dirty secret to begin with? Or is there some thing else going on all together that makes the lie seem like it is merited and its less complicated that way?
I come from a place now, after years of lying to save my ass, harboring guilt and shame about said lies, and feeling the sting of the repercussions after the dust had settled, that I now believe being honest to the people you care about is the best way to deal with things. Even if it is damaging. Because lets be honest, sometimes the truth sucks. Badly. It can be life altering, or destroying. I know. You never know how people are going to react. It may hurt them, or it may hurt you, or you may be surprised to discover that they don't give a shit at all. But in this day and age, with so much online documentation, social networking, people talk to each other, humanity is more connected than ever, and we know more people in far away places. Six degrees of separation and all that. its easy to figure out what people are up to, and its less complicated in the end to just to admit the truth, instead of the people involved finding out down the line. That's when lies get out of control and when they REALLY do damage. It hurts finding out for yourself. Fabricating a story just implies that there is indeed something to hide, a secret.
And lets be honest here, when you are lying to those you love and care about, there is already a breakdown in communication and a lack of trust, so you might have to ask yourself why, and question whether you really even value them to begin with.
- Morgan
