Its a process...

Now, I'm no relationship expert.  Far from it, in fact.  But I often think about the dynamic of healthy relationships, as many moons ago, the one I had failed miserably at my own hand.  What makes things work?  Is there really a perfect relationship?  Are there certain ingredients that can be utilized without fail? 

In terms of commitment, what does it really mean?  Is it necessary?  If two people care about each other and want to be together, can it just "be"?

These are the things that I have come to terms with, in regards to a certain unhealthy dynamic in a relationship.  A dynamic which I am all too familiar with, unfortunately.  Absolute power corrupts absolutely, and the person in power controls the relationship, obviously.  The person in power is also usually the one who loves the other less.  They make the other jump through hoops, and take them for granted.  Detachment gives power over the situation, and it is that person who is the one calling the shots.  The other, hopelessly in love, powerless, and willing to bend over backwards for the one they care for.  And is it fair?  Is it right?  And why string someone along if that’s what the other really feels?  I have so many questions, and as the manipulator for so long, so little in the way of answers.

The past few years have certainly been a learning process for me.  Learning about who I am, independent of the 'unit' I had come to be a part of and comfortable in.  Re-defining who I was, both personally and professionally.  Loving, losing.  Loving, losing.  So yeah, I have learned acceptance and found peace in the knowledge that nothing will ever be as it was, and found that forward is the only motion that saves one from themselves in times of grief.  You can never go back, and whatever prospects you have in the future will certainly NEVER be what you had before.  You just cannot have those expectations.  In going back to the detachment topic, knowing your roll in a relationship, and recognizing your partner's role, will certainly better the odds for survival.  It’s also important to know your definition of what a loving relationship is to YOU, so you can decide what feels comfortable and right for you.  Guidelines, rules...they are all important in establishing what you want out of a partnership.

On a side note, but still somehow connected to this topic, I feel, I am a huge believer in everything happens for a reason.  There is no fairy tale, there is no perfect.  There is only what you put in and get out of a situation.  Life gives you who and what you need at the time.  Something, whatever it may be, is providing, regardless if it is good or bad, and teaches you valuable lessons about the things you love, and the things you take for granted.

I have many regrets about the way I acted in the past, but I wouldn't change a thing about the direction my life took on.  I have come to accept things the way they are, and I am OK with it.  I am stronger, and better for it.  And if you love her, and you're happy, then the pain was for a good cause, and it was meant to be.

-  Morgan